Through my experience and also the great work of experts for example John Gottman’s empirical research on relationships, the groundbreaking work of Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence) and influence of psychologists, Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I’ve summarized bride and groom behaviors into six laws and regulations that govern relationship happiness: 1) What The Law States of Respecting Variations 2) What The Law States of Settlement 3) What The Law States of Fair Fighting 4) What The Law States of Autonomy 5) What The Law States of Covenant Love and 6) What The Law States of Legacy
What The Law States of Respecting Variations states that two independent, interesting individuals will benefit from the more superficial facets of existence when dating, but when married and seeking to produce space and time for private preferences and interests, there’s trouble. Now we’ll take a look at Law No. 1:
No. 1 – What The Law States of Respecting Variations:
He likes solitude, she likes parties
He likes simple, she likes challenging
He loves to plan, she likes spontaneity
He loves to save “for any wet day.”
She loves to spend “let’s say you die before it rains?”
If the appears like your relationship in certain varied form – this is actually the Loa at the office. Attraction of Opposites that’s. Ever question the way you were left with someone so totally different from you? At times you may also question, “That which was I thinking?” Opposites DO attract.
Courtship behaviors will always be not the same as married behaviors. We have a tendency to put our “best feet forward” if we are dating and never really mention information like the way you really choose to spend Sunday. For instance, you played around the block and drink mochas every sunday, however, you would rather spend Sundays laying around the couch, consuming beer and watching football. On the other hand, whenever you were dating you really liked to choose him towards the the game of basketball on Friday nights, but you’d rather stay at home, see a movie and eat popcorn. They are preferences which are perfectly acceptable although not always compatible.
Preferences are part of our personality. Because these variations or preferences start to emerge, they are able to create conflict and ensuing discontent. Here’s where right and wrong, negative and positive evaluations begin. These judgments originate from our personality, rules and cultures in our group of origin, our previous existence encounters that shape us. “My mother never made sticky spaghetti noodles.” Preferences are neither right nor wrong – they’re just different.